Good News: The Internet Lies

I don’t know about you, but at the first sign of trouble, I immediately rest and listen to my body. HAHAHAHAAHAA! Just kidding. I ignore it, throw some ice on that shit, google it and possibly curse at the sky. Last week, I developed shin splints. Or what could have been shin splints. Or what might have been a sprain in the “peroneal” muscle (tendon?).

Except the internet is a liar. I also watched a video with some vegan runner (I’m assuming) and he told me about that same muscle being connected to the bottom of my foot and how stretching that would be life altering. Spoiler: vegan internet runners lie.

I wouldn’t have known this if I weren’t on the frequent flyer program at my physical therapist’s office. I’m not ready to quit him, yet. I like to think I’m a preferred patient. Who would he rather see, Nana? The one who complains endlessly of her grandkids who don’t call? Yeah, I heard you in the room next door, Nana. No, I’m totally a Gold Star Client.

Anyway, I explained how I might have possible shin-ular issues and may have pulled a hammy in my shins and my PT got the look he reserves for my New and Exciting Injury Theories. He poked me and explained that it couldn’t be my peroneal because A. that wasn’t the peroneal muscle (tendon?) and it was actually the tibial longinus (no idea here) and that it’s the muscle responsible for flexing the foot and it attaches to the shin, hence my shin pain. Hence also, NO SHIN SPLINTS. Also, shin splints are in a different “compartment.” (Making me feel like a passenger plane.)

Then I told him about the life altering foot stretch that Video Vegan Runner told me about. Probably not life altering, especially since there is nothing that starts over HERE (he indicated my whatever-longinus) that connects to the BOTTOM of your foot. “I have a liberal arts degree! I don’t know anatomy – the internet lied to me!” He says that knowing anatomy helps. (Also that Video Vegan Runner is possibly incorrect.)

This is a cautionary tale friends. The good news is that the internet lies but therein lies the bad news. We turn there thinking that we know about runner’s knee, or pulled hammies, or our piraformis (I call it, lovingly, the pirafuckthis) only to be led astray by incorrectly labeled diagrams, crappy articles, or outright quacks. When you can’t trust random people making videos on the internet, who can you trust?!

I learned an exciting new stretch (to go along with my approximate 50 other exciting stretches) and was on my merry way. Suddenly, my mandatory 6 week rest (because ohmygoditcouldbeaSTRESSFRACTURE) was really only a slightly irritated longinus (whatever) from doing a V02 max track day. I came home, ran 5 miles, and avoided google. Until next time…

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